Clunkers Program Goes Bust

Obama's billion-dollar "cash for clunkers" program has apparantly burned through it's billion. What a shocking non-surprise. A billion just doesn't go as far as it used to.

Aimed at boosting stagnant auto sales, "cash for clunkers" barely made a dent and is almost out of money, putting its future in question. Passed by Congress in late June and launched just a week ago, the program gives folks vouchers worth up to $4,500 for trading in their gas pigs on a down-payment for something more fuel-efficient. The highly buzzed effort was set to run until Nov. 1, or until money ran out. Now it's out.

Formally known as the Car Allowance Rebate System (er, CARS -- how clever!), the program was already heading for a temporary shutdown at midnight tonight. Federal transportation officials were getting worried that the program's popularity would drain the kitty by week's end. Then Transportation Secretary Ray LaHood called lawmakers this afternoon to warn them the program would be halted at midnight.

White House spokesman Robert Gibbs just said the administration is "evaluating all options" to keep the program funded. Fahgetabout it. That ship has sailed. Find yourself a good car donation program instead.

Rock and Roll Clunkers?

Well, I must admit that this one really cracked me up. Their jingle might make you nuts, but Kars4Kids (as in 1-877-kars-for-kids) has a jingle contest that shows that they really have a sense of humor! They even hired Long Island rock-and-roll superstars The Good Rats to do their commercials. Click here--it's worth it!

When You Can't Fix It, Bag It

The first monument to President Obama's cure for the economy. This one courtesy of a shout-out from Jerry Silverman.

Cash for Clunkers: To Donate or Not to Donate...That is the Question

Whether it is nobler to give your car to one of the worthy car donation programs, sell it, or trade it in as a down-payment on a rice burner (as part of Obama's plan to stimulate his re-election in 2012) has NOTHING to do with genuine nobility. Let's face it, my fellow American--you are going to do what's best for you.

But as it turns out, what's often best for you is good for humanity, too. Even if you're really ready to buy an expensive, brand new vehicle (which you just might be), you're usually better off getting a maximum tax credit by giving the clunker to a legit charity. And some of them are doing really good things with the money. I may get the jim-jams from their jingle, but Kars4Kids has their act together.

Niagara Falls? Slowly I Turned, Step by Step...

Niagara police crackied down on clunkers, junkers, and other drunk punkers this weekend. Teaming up with the Ontario Provincial Police and the Ministry of Transportation for a three-day blitz throughout the region, Niagara cops were writing tickets like it was a bodily function. “With the holiday in the U.S., we thought this would be good timing to do something here in Niagara and target aggressive drivers, speeders, impaired drivers and some of the unsafe vehicles that are out on the roads,” said Sgt. Dave Woodford of the OPP. Read more here.

Secret Police Cars

Yeah, they have high-tech cameras and 007 gizmos and they'll probably spot you if you're doing something wrong (and even if you aren't, eh?) before you spot them, but it's always interesting to know what Smokey is driving. Ford's Crown Victoria is currently the most popular cop car in production. Lots of speeders have seen this bad boy in their rear view mirror. But there are other patrol vehicles that you road warriors should recognize, many faster than the Crown Vicky. Unmarked vehicles are used all across the once-fruited plains.

Chevy's Impala is not only one of the best-selling U.S. cars, it's the perfect choice for police departments looking for cars that blend in with traffic. Custom fitted with the special Police Package (code 9C1), this mid-size sedan with a 3.9-liter V-6 engine hits an impressive 140 mph.

Police departments want strength and power (why else become a bully with a badge?) so they go for a full-size SUV. Fitted with the special PPV option, the big Chevy Tahoe SUV can hit 133 mph thanks to its high-performance 5.3-liter V-8 with 320 horsepower. Look for the black wheels with tiny center hubcaps as a tip-off should you see one unmarked or without a light bar.

Dodge built their last Magnum police car in '08, but many cop shops still have these station wagons in service. Fitted with the legendary 5.7-liter HEMI V-8, the wagon can hit 131 mph and charge up to that speed with muscle-car type performance. The wagon sprints from 0-60 mph in under six seconds. Try that with a head-full of Nitris Oxcide, bubbah!

Spying a Dodge Charger in your rear-view should be enough to make you think twice about a high-speed chase, unless you have a gun turret mounted to your trunk. Equipped with the 5.7-liter HEMI V-8, the Charger can hit a staggering 146 mph, making the Dodge the fastest mainstream police car available.

Check this out: Harper Woods, Michigan borders Detroit. It's a sleepy bedroom community that packs a big surprise for anyone speeding on the section of I-94 running across its borders; beware the badge in the '05 Ford Mustang Shelby GT. Acquired to "boost community relations" and intimidate speeders, the Mustang's 4.6-liter V-8 puts out 300 horsepower and tops out at approximately 145 mph. Yee-ha!