Clunkers Program Goes Bust

Obama's billion-dollar "cash for clunkers" program has apparantly burned through it's billion. What a shocking non-surprise. A billion just doesn't go as far as it used to.

Aimed at boosting stagnant auto sales, "cash for clunkers" barely made a dent and is almost out of money, putting its future in question. Passed by Congress in late June and launched just a week ago, the program gives folks vouchers worth up to $4,500 for trading in their gas pigs on a down-payment for something more fuel-efficient. The highly buzzed effort was set to run until Nov. 1, or until money ran out. Now it's out.

Formally known as the Car Allowance Rebate System (er, CARS -- how clever!), the program was already heading for a temporary shutdown at midnight tonight. Federal transportation officials were getting worried that the program's popularity would drain the kitty by week's end. Then Transportation Secretary Ray LaHood called lawmakers this afternoon to warn them the program would be halted at midnight.

White House spokesman Robert Gibbs just said the administration is "evaluating all options" to keep the program funded. Fahgetabout it. That ship has sailed. Find yourself a good car donation program instead.

Rock and Roll Clunkers?

Well, I must admit that this one really cracked me up. Their jingle might make you nuts, but Kars4Kids (as in 1-877-kars-for-kids) has a jingle contest that shows that they really have a sense of humor! They even hired Long Island rock-and-roll superstars The Good Rats to do their commercials. Click here--it's worth it!

When You Can't Fix It, Bag It

The first monument to President Obama's cure for the economy. This one courtesy of a shout-out from Jerry Silverman.

Cash for Clunkers: To Donate or Not to Donate...That is the Question

Whether it is nobler to give your car to one of the worthy car donation programs, sell it, or trade it in as a down-payment on a rice burner (as part of Obama's plan to stimulate his re-election in 2012) has NOTHING to do with genuine nobility. Let's face it, my fellow American--you are going to do what's best for you.

But as it turns out, what's often best for you is good for humanity, too. Even if you're really ready to buy an expensive, brand new vehicle (which you just might be), you're usually better off getting a maximum tax credit by giving the clunker to a legit charity. And some of them are doing really good things with the money. I may get the jim-jams from their jingle, but Kars4Kids has their act together.

Niagara Falls? Slowly I Turned, Step by Step...

Niagara police crackied down on clunkers, junkers, and other drunk punkers this weekend. Teaming up with the Ontario Provincial Police and the Ministry of Transportation for a three-day blitz throughout the region, Niagara cops were writing tickets like it was a bodily function. “With the holiday in the U.S., we thought this would be good timing to do something here in Niagara and target aggressive drivers, speeders, impaired drivers and some of the unsafe vehicles that are out on the roads,” said Sgt. Dave Woodford of the OPP. Read more here.

Secret Police Cars

Yeah, they have high-tech cameras and 007 gizmos and they'll probably spot you if you're doing something wrong (and even if you aren't, eh?) before you spot them, but it's always interesting to know what Smokey is driving. Ford's Crown Victoria is currently the most popular cop car in production. Lots of speeders have seen this bad boy in their rear view mirror. But there are other patrol vehicles that you road warriors should recognize, many faster than the Crown Vicky. Unmarked vehicles are used all across the once-fruited plains.

Chevy's Impala is not only one of the best-selling U.S. cars, it's the perfect choice for police departments looking for cars that blend in with traffic. Custom fitted with the special Police Package (code 9C1), this mid-size sedan with a 3.9-liter V-6 engine hits an impressive 140 mph.

Police departments want strength and power (why else become a bully with a badge?) so they go for a full-size SUV. Fitted with the special PPV option, the big Chevy Tahoe SUV can hit 133 mph thanks to its high-performance 5.3-liter V-8 with 320 horsepower. Look for the black wheels with tiny center hubcaps as a tip-off should you see one unmarked or without a light bar.

Dodge built their last Magnum police car in '08, but many cop shops still have these station wagons in service. Fitted with the legendary 5.7-liter HEMI V-8, the wagon can hit 131 mph and charge up to that speed with muscle-car type performance. The wagon sprints from 0-60 mph in under six seconds. Try that with a head-full of Nitris Oxcide, bubbah!

Spying a Dodge Charger in your rear-view should be enough to make you think twice about a high-speed chase, unless you have a gun turret mounted to your trunk. Equipped with the 5.7-liter HEMI V-8, the Charger can hit a staggering 146 mph, making the Dodge the fastest mainstream police car available.

Check this out: Harper Woods, Michigan borders Detroit. It's a sleepy bedroom community that packs a big surprise for anyone speeding on the section of I-94 running across its borders; beware the badge in the '05 Ford Mustang Shelby GT. Acquired to "boost community relations" and intimidate speeders, the Mustang's 4.6-liter V-8 puts out 300 horsepower and tops out at approximately 145 mph. Yee-ha!

Rental Cars: Not Enough Supply?

So Hertz is buying cras and their stock is up. So what's up with that? The car rental company says it's been adding to its car fleet as it's seeing higher demand in the last few weeks.

Mark P. Frissora, company's chairman and CEO, says, "We are able to resume earnings guidance for the current quarter and full year for several reasons. Our car rental demand in the U.S. and Europe has stabilized and we are experiencing better-than-anticipated summer peak reservation build in both markets. We are adding fleet as a result."

The real question is why is Hertz stockpiling cars? Frissora told CNBC that his company sees improving demand for rentals in the past 10 weeks in the U.S. and in the past seven weeks in Europe for the summer season. As a result, the company is "literally scrambling to buy as many cars as it can.

Cash for Clunkers; Cash for Obama

The Cash for Clunkers bill has some folks in a tizzy. If passed, cars with lousey mileage can be traded in for a $3,500-$4,500 credit toward the purchase of a new, more fuel-efficient car. Old vehicles must be scrapped and folks donating their cars get a tax deduction. While some new-car shoppers might be enticed by the Cash for Clunkers credit, people with sense will see it's just another shell game.

As for the car-donation groups, the bill adds insult to injury, coming on the tail of a rotten economy that's punished charities. Over at Kars4Kids, Y. Meth, a spokesman for the company, weighs in: "While the bill is purportedly to remove smog-producing cars from the road and benefit automakers, Kars4Kids is conscientiously doing our share by frequently taking cars with high emissions out of circulation."

Read more here.

Dear Shabby

alexandria1_1999 at Starting Car Club is "in desperate need of opinions to help me decide what to do..."

She write that she left her ex more than a year ago (abusive, unfaithful, you know the drill); they had two kids that she has custody of. HERE COMES THE CAR PART: "My ex, even though he had a girlfriend before I even left him, told me he would take my car if I did not stop seeing my current guy." He gave you the kids but wants the car. Ok, I know guys like that, too. "He has a company vehicle he uses and never drove our car," she continues. "It was my only means of transport. I was making the payments and kept it locked up with the club which worked well for many months until I started getting comfortable and forgetting to put it on. One morning in October I woke and found it was gone along with all of our personal belongings in it. He took it... said I can have it back if I get back with him. Never going to happen...

"So I lost my job and had to stop going to school, then I found out I was pregnant. So I have not had a job or a car since October. Money is getting tight and I have a baby coming in July. He tells me now that I can have the car back if I give up his pensions. According to my attorney I would be entitled to about 30-40G in 17 years when he retires. We still owe 20G on the car and it is only worth about 10. Should I just go ahead and do this trade, as not having a job and money now is getting ridiculously hard, and the pension is not really doing me much good at this point in my life. He says he will pay it off but I will have no entitlement to the pensions... What should I do?"

Our advice: Hang yourself, honey. You're too dumb to breed.

Donating a Car? Ok--but where to?

Time to look at the car donation programs. I haven't done my homework yet but this gal seems to have. She prefers Kars4Kids. As in that silly jingle 1-877-Kars-4-Kids...donate your car today." Got me thinking about the jingle. It is annoying. But this rock band doesn't seem to think so.

Milwaukee Bans Selling Cars on the Street

Ever see those orange-and-black placards that they sell at Home Depot to stick on your old car when it’s time to get rid of her? I've got six of 'em in the basement. Won't do me any good in Milwaukee, though. Bad enough the Brewers are an embarassment to the city--they also banned selling cars on public streets. Display one of those For Sale signs in your window and you'll catch a fine. As George Harrison sang, "If you take a walk, I'll tax your feet." That's right, bubba: Milwaukians are now forced to pay $40 for a permit to sell their junk car--even if the damn thing is only worth a sawbuck. You're better off donating your car to a worthy cause like Kars4Kids and taking the tax receipt. Give me a few days and I'll take a look at which ones are legit.

Fix It or Junk It!

People constantly make excuses about not restoring their cars: can't afford it, it's impractical, it's just a car... But then they don't sell it either. It just rots in their backyard. And when I see this, it sort of enrages me. I want to call the ASPCA but those looney tunes only care about things that meow or knock over my garbage cans at night. WHO DO YOU CALL? I suppose Obama will get around to appointing a commission on it eventually--what's another $10 million to study the over-population of decaying automobiles when our deficit interest alone will be in the trillions? But I digress...

Some folks see their cars like ex-wives: It's useless to them, but they'd still rather nobody else enjoy it... Guess I can understand that; they shoot horses. But I'm sick of the eye sores in my neighborhood: the ex-wives and the rotting cars.

It's not always worth fixing your clunker. Like I said yesterday, sometimes a planter is just a planter. But it reaches a certain point where you're better off getting the tax deduction.

Me? I buy cars from people, not dealerships. I do the research and find what I'm looking for and, believe me, I'm not the only guy who does this sort of thing. But often I'll run into someone's "classic" that's just rotting in the front yard. They can't fix it (it ain't worth it) and they want a small fortune for it (20x it's value as junk) else they can't stand the thought of parting with it. Maybe that's thinking Green: Let the rust take it. But it's really just dumb hick thinking.

Last night I had two dreams: The first was that all the classic cars were gone, like the dinosaurs that once walked the earth. No more '65 Mustangs or split-window coupes; just rice-burning hybrid boxey tincans from Seoul. It broke my heart. I won't tell you about the other dream but it ended with me burying the ex-wife up to her neck in the backyard and then taking out the lawn mower.

Some Great Ways NOT to Sell a Car

I was tooling around the web for blogs on cars and came across this good article at Man vs. Debt. The guy doesn't know much about cars (says he doesn't even like them! go figure!) but he does show you some of the common mistakes make when trying to sell one. Unless you go for the Bigger Fool theory, which is how some guys make their money.

Used Cars versus New Cars

By the time President Obama is done carving up America, the only new cars available will be rice burners. But in the mean time, there's still the Great Depression Part II to deal with. Recessionary budgets will lead more people to used cars...but which ones are budget-friendliest?
Here's some tips from an old car buff:

DON'T BUY an automobile without a service history. That's worse than a blind date: It's buying a horse without checking its teeth. You have no clue what has happened to the car, how it was treated, or wasn't treated. My ex-wife might've owned it and run it into the ground... INSIST on a service history, and if they don't have a good file, walk away.

DON'T BUY a badly damaged car. Heed your insurance expert's eval: If they say the clunker is money down the drain, they ain't lying. I don't care how good of a grease monkey you are--you won't repair it cost-effectively, if at all. Fahgetaboutit.

DON'T BUY a bad paint job. Sure sign of a retarded owner. If he painted it at home, this car has no future.

DON'T BUY automobiles chock full of acorns and grass. And don't get me wrong--I have nothing against acorns. Or grass. But when a car is parked all day long, it's no longer a car. It is a planter. Buy it and you'll be sorry. So sorry, you may start your own blog.

BUY A CAR that someone took care of. The same way you'd buy a dog. Or a house. Or a woman, if you were in Saudi Arabia. Or... well, you get the picture.