Friday, May 22, 2009

Fix It or Junk It!


People constantly make excuses about not restoring their cars: can't afford it, it's impractical, it's just a car... But then they don't sell it either. It just rots in their backyard. And when I see this, it sort of enrages me. I want to call the ASPCA but those looney tunes only care about things that meow or knock over my garbage cans at night. WHO DO YOU CALL? I suppose Obama will get around to appointing a commission on it eventually--what's another $10 million to study the over-population of decaying automobiles when our deficit interest alone will be in the trillions? But I digress...

Some folks see their cars like ex-wives: It's useless to them, but they'd still rather nobody else enjoy it... Guess I can understand that; they shoot horses. But I'm sick of the eye sores in my neighborhood: the ex-wives and the rotting cars.

It's not always worth fixing your clunker. Like I said yesterday, sometimes a planter is just a planter. But it reaches a certain point where you're better off getting the tax deduction.

Me? I buy cars from people, not dealerships. I do the research and find what I'm looking for and, believe me, I'm not the only guy who does this sort of thing. But often I'll run into someone's "classic" that's just rotting in the front yard. They can't fix it (it ain't worth it) and they want a small fortune for it (20x it's value as junk) else they can't stand the thought of parting with it. Maybe that's thinking Green: Let the rust take it. But it's really just dumb hick thinking.

Last night I had two dreams: The first was that all the classic cars were gone, like the dinosaurs that once walked the earth. No more '65 Mustangs or split-window coupes; just rice-burning hybrid boxey tincans from Seoul. It broke my heart. I won't tell you about the other dream but it ended with me burying the ex-wife up to her neck in the backyard and then taking out the lawn mower.

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